Well.. I have not blogged in quite a while but I am quite excited to begin writing again. Life sure has a way of changing when you bring a tiny human into your world, your family, and your heart. Audrey Nicole is my pride and joy and now that we have established a routine for the most part; sometimes interrupted by my inability to allow her to cry for more than a few minutes, or the business of day to day activities ;), I think I have time now to begin to find me again.
To begin to find the part of me that does more than spend all her time joyfully making baby food, buying bows, following baby blogs, and not to mention taking oodles of pictures. I LOVE that I am able to do all of those things... I LOVE being a mommy more than I ever thought that I could.. and I was blessed with the happiest baby girl in the entire world. She makes my heart melt!
I also know that I will be a better mommy to her if I can take a little time to pursue myself too, whether that be dancing,studying, or in this case BLOGGING!!
Now I am embarking on this scary journey to "find myself". This whole concept sounds a bit odd to me,hence the quotation marks, but nevertheless it is the best way I can put into words how I am feeling. Never before have I felt lost, felt lack luster, or without ambition. This is NOT a pity party. I love my life,I am complacent, and yet I still desire more.
I need my drive back. The problem is I do not know what it is that I desire. I want to feel alive, feel like I am growing, feel like I am continually reaching for something higher. I want to use my gifts and be my best, but what does that look like?
I want to once again feel like I am exactly where God wants me to be. I need to find passion in my life. Passion for something... big.
For now, I shall pray and seek God. I shall dig deep within my heart in hopes of finding something worth pursuing. I shall continue to find joy in the little things that brighten up my world; my husbands touch, my daughters smile, and how truly blessed I am.
So, I am off for now. Searching.
Sweet wonderful Kayla... I'm so glad that life is found in the search, not in the discovery. Your hunger is inspirational and beautiful. I'm sure that Father God is thrilled to unveil for you, piece by precious piece, the amazing destiny and calling that already boil within you. Please write, so that we may follow along on the journey with you. Especially for those of us do far away.
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